Sometimes people ask you 'whats wrong?' and expect you to have an answer. But sometimes there's just no way to answer. Its not any single thing that bogs you down but the little things combined. Its not that things are too hard to take or that life is unbearable. Its more like a reminder of how hard things are. Like something in your peripheral vision which distracts you from your focus. Then you lose your bearings for awhile.

There's no way I'm going to lose out. I'll damn this competitive spirit, this pride and this envy. But I've decided to study by myself. If I can't go to Rhema now then I'll study with books, online teachings and other material. I've already started. I've got slightly under a month before army and I intend to make good use of it. Time to get a good headstart. Gather speed before I hit the uphill slope.

Every day is a new battle. A tough battle indeed. But it is a battle to be won. My responsibilty is to live a life holy and pleasing. Then the details will be given.